We Are As the Army of Helaman

I can only hope that those who actually read this blog aren't sick of me talking about my mission and what happened therein. I have been thinking a lot lately about what happened, especially after talking to a friend from high school about his experience and how he shared it. So again, I'm going to share some things from my mission and what I've been thinking about it lately.
Recently, Dan and I have been reading in Alma in all the war chapters and one of my favorite parts of those chapters is the little band of 2,000 Stripling Warriors. They are comparable to today's missionaries. They were young and had the faith that was taught to them by their mothers, and if they did not doubt then all would be well. Not necessarily well in how they wanted it to be, but how the Lord wanted it to be.

Alma 56:47-48 Now they never had fought, yet they did not fear death; and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their lives; yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them. And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it.

I know I am guilty of doubting a lot, and I love their example of faith and strength. I am constantly grateful for the Book of Mormon! 

As my mission came to an end and I knew I was going to come home, I got a letter from one of my cousin's whom I look up to SO much and I don't think he realizes how much I do. I have been blessed with such a great extended family and I'm grateful for when they have reached out to me and helped me with what I've gone through. Anyway, this letter. He wrote it about the Stripling Warriors. He reminded me that they had faith to go and do what was asked of them, like all missionaries, BUT he also reminded me that not all of them escaped wounds. Yes, they all lived and were spared their lives and ALL were wounded. That was me. That's several other missionaries I know. We did what was asked of us but we didn't get away without being wounded, none of us do. And I'm sure some wounds are more damaging than others and take more time to heal but all of us get wounded in one way or another.

Alma 57: 25-26 And it came to pass that there were two hundred, out of my two thousand and sixty, who had fainted because of the loss of blood; nevertheless, according to the goodness of God, and to our great astonishment, and also the joy of our whole army, there was not one soul of them who did perish; yeah, and neither was there one soul among them who had not received many wounds. And now, their preservation was astonishing to our whole army, yea, that they should be spared while there was a thousand of our brethren who were slain. And we do justly ascribe it to the miraculous power of God, because of their exceeding faith in that which they had been taught to believe - that there was a just God, and whosoever did not doubt, that they should be preserved by his miraculous power.

I am still having repercussions from my mission and the anxiety and depression I have been diagnosed with. I wonder when it will end, if ever. But I know I am not alone. And I know that if I just have faith that I will be alright and that Heavenly Father will take care of me. Although, as it's been said, "Not shrinking is more important than surviving."
The reason I write about these thoughts and feelings I have is because I want others to know they are not alone. That they are not failures and that Heavenly Father loves them just as much as any of His other children. He truly is a God of love. And I know we are given trials to better ourselves, to be who He wants us to be. Do not be ashamed of the trials you have been given, for His opinion is the only one that matters.

God Is Love

This past Sunday I had the opportunity to speak in my ward. My topic was "God is Love". It was a wonderful topic to speak about because there is so much to be said about it! From the moment I received a letter from a member of my Bishopric about what I was to speak on to the time that I delivered my talk, my mind was constantly thinking about what I would say. And the biggest thing I wanted to convey was that God, our Heavenly Father, loves us. So very much. He loves you, He loves me, and it's a love that we cannot fully comprehend.

"Though we are incomplete, God loves us completely. Though we are imperfect, He loves us perfectly. Though we may feel lost and without compass, God's love encompasses us completely." -Dieter F. Utchdorf (The Love of God, General Conference 2009)

Other things that came to mind from this talk were things I've learned from the experiences I've gone through. If you don't know me that well or know my mission experience, I'll let you read about it instead of me telling it all again. Mission Story
I learned from what I went through that people are truly placed in our lives for a purpose. I served where I did so I could have a wonderful mission president and wife to care for me and help me through a very difficult trial. I was born to a family I was to have the strength and support from them as I continue to go through trials. Especially my mission, my Mother was there in ways I cannot explain. I just know more than I ever did before that she was given to me, she was supposed to be my Mother. She wrote me weekly, sometimes more than once, and knew things I didn't even tell her about yet. When I got home I was blessed with a man who wanted to marry me and helped me overcome a lot of what happened on my mission. He has continued to be my rock and my example and I love him more than anyone. I have been given friends who have understood what I've gone through and helped me in ways no others can. God is love because He blessed me with those people, He knew I'd need them before I did. 
I learned that the experiences and trials are not only for ourselves, but for others as well. It's not about me. This life is mine to live but it's not about me. God gives us what He does to help others, and He's loving enough to let us learn from what He gives us too. It's been almost two years since I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and I think I'm finally starting to understand why. Because it's not about me. I was given that trial to help others. To understand what they are going through and help them as best I can. To see the world and others around me in a different way. I know life can be hard, but the next time you experience a trial or test think about what it can do for others, and you'll learn for yourself when you do. I'm not saying that it's easy, or that you shouldn't help yourself get over what you're going through, that needs to happen before you can really help others, but try and see the eternal perspective of it all. God is love because He gives us and others trials and experiences to help all of His children.
I learned that God's love is all around us. His love is in the smell of freshly cut grass, in a baby's laughter, in a friendly smile, etc. As I was preparing for this talk I came across this song and shared the lyrics at the end of my talk. It shows, in the little things, that Heavenly Father loves us.

God is love. Never deny He loves you and that He is aware of you. 

Happily Ever After

I cannot fully express how excited I am for both of my siblings! They are both engaged to be married to wonderful people who have fallen in love with them and it makes me happier than ever! I am excited for them to experience marriage and live their own happily ever after.
Just this past Sunday in Young Women's, the Beehive presidency member gave a lesson about Elder Uchtdorf's talk called, "Your Happily Ever After." It's a beautiful talk about young women finding their own stories of life and being happy. He points out that none can come to their happy ending without passing through trials and adversity, which is even noted in the fairy tales we grew up with. He shows the hardships Cinderella, Belle, and the Maid from Rumpelstiltskin went through. Even princesses, which of course we are (and prince's also!), go through hard times! So it should be no surprise that we have to endure all things as well. (This video is AMAZING, watch!)

I never really thought about that, I feel like I say that phrase way more than any other, but it's true. I grew up on Disney movies and still watch them frequently. (Those who know me well know that I'll destroy anyone at Disney Scene It.) I always loved the endings because those are the happily ever afters, but I didn't really realize all the stuff in between as being so significant. Probably because it happens in less than two hours and my life is much longer than that. Again patience comes into play.
I've seen it in my life, and in my sibling's lives. Our happily ever afters don't always come as we plan them to, but they do come. Whether it be in this life, or, like for my dear friend Alyssa, in the next. We are promised it will come, and God keeps his promises. D & C 82:10.

Matt's proposal.

Nikkole's proposal.

Welcome to the family Mike and Andrea! Matthew and Andrea will be sealed in the Redlands California Temple on March 28. And Nikkole and Mike will be sealed in the Salt Lake Temple on May 22. I'm so excited that we'll all be able to go to the temple together!

Winter Break

Dan and I had a really wonderful break! I'm pretty sure I can safely say for both of us that we don't want the semester to start, but that's life. And school really isn't too bad but it does limit our time together. So it was nice to spend a lot of that time together over this break!
We got out of school the second week of December. I have been spoiled this break because since school's out that means no work for me either. Thankfully that also means that Dan has been able to get some work in.
Friday the 13th was actually a really good day for us. We had some ward friends over, Cassie and Spencer Jeppsen, and we ate dinner that Cassie made and played some really fun games. I knew Cassie from lifeguarding at Cherry Hill and one day in Relief Society this cute girl sits next to me and we both do the double take and have become better friends since! We enjoy our games nights with the Jeppsen's and the friendship we are forming with them.

We had fun making gingerbread houses too.

The next day, Saturday, was spent in Logan for a family party on my side. We met with my Mom's family and went bowling and then did soup and presents at my Aunt KayeLyn's house after. It was fun to see everyone, the family never stops growing.
On Monday the 16th, I had planned a little Sister Missionary Reunion dinner with some Hermanas from my mission. Unfortunately, only two ended up making it but we still had lots of fun. I made some tortilla soup that I have to admit was pretty dang good. We all had seconds. It was fun to catch up with Katherine Regis and Jasmin Oomrigar. They are both wonderful girls and I learn so much from them still. I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to serve with them and become friends. Mission friends seriously are friends for life! I love them.

Oomrigar, Harris, Regis

Our next adventure was our ski day at Park City resort. We got passes a few months prior for only $25, what a steal! Dan had been counting down the days until we could hit the slopes. Since it was such a good deal the Hayward family was nice enough to let my family join too. Both my siblings came and Nikkole's boyfriend at the time, Mike Kelley. (I say at the time because they were engaged two days later, which I'll be writing about.)

The group.

Hayward Family.

I hadn't skied in five years and the last time I did was one time and before that it had been more than five years and I was using a wedge to keep my skis together. It took me a while to get used to it. I am overly cautious with my anxiety now too. It kind of holds me back, and I don't like it, but once I got the hang of it it was a lot more fun. Dan had been off and on for a few winters before and after his mission so he was so ready and, like everything else, was a natural at it. Brittany was right there with me, and everyone else seemed to have a lot more experience and was doing great. It was a little cold with the snow coming down, and hard to see sometimes with the fog, but it was a great day. It was some good exercise and some pretty mountains.

Saturday the 21st was a very busy day! We were going from one thing to the next. In the morning we got ready to head to the Temple and hit the 11:00 session in Salt Lake. We went with the Hayward family. I love going back to that temple. I performed baptisms for the dead there the first time, received my endowments there, and Dan and I were sealed there so naturally it has special meaning and I love being there. There is no place like home. We had lunch in the cafeteria after our session and it was really good. (Reminded me of eating in Provo's cafeteria as a district because the MTC food got SO old.) After we finished eating Dan and I got ready to help set up for Mike and Nikkole's proposal! Mike's sister, Kristi, was basically in charge and told us what to do. So we got everything set up at Mike's Grandma's in Bountiful and executed the plan once the couple arrived. Mike used lanterns to ask Nikkole, he spray painted on them "Nikkole will you marry me?" and each word was on a separate lantern. 

The videos have been posted on Facebook. It was very cute and romantic and I was sure happy to be part of it! I got to take all the photos. 

So happy for my big little sister!

A little after the proposal took place Dan and I had to hurry off to his Grandma's house for that family party. We ate dinner and had the kids perform a program and then played a game and talked. It was fun. I really like Dan's family and am grateful for the times I get to know them better.

The Monday before Christmas my Mom set an appointment to go dress shopping for Nikkole. I was lucky enough to be invited by the bride-to-be. It was really fun. My sister is seriously so beautiful and I am so excited for her and Mike. I'm mostly excited that she'll then be endowed too and my whole family can go inside the temple! That will be a wondrous day. After her appointment we met up with my Dad, Mike, and Dan and went to temple square to see the lights. It was a busy Monday night. Once we had walked around most of it we headed to Robintino's in Bountiful for dinner. The pizza was good and the company was better.

On Christmas Eve we wanted to just stay home and spend time with one another, since Christmas day would be filled with family time. I wanted to start doing our own traditions and be with my hubs. We, well mostly I, decided that every year on Christmas Eve we are going to make a different kind of cookie. Those of you who know me well know I am a cookie monster, and I think it will be fun when we have kids to let them take turns picking what kind of cookies we make. We kept it simple this year and made chocolate chip. We also read Luke 2 to remind ourselves the real meaning of the season. Dan was super excited for Christmas and wanted to open a present so we decided to each open one. Then we watched a Christmas episode of The Office that Dan hadn't seen. It was a fun night. 

The next day was Christmas! Dan woke up a little before 8 and I couldn't fall back asleep so I got up at 8. I woke up feeling sick, no fun, but had a good day nonetheless. We opened all our presents and then had some breakfast. 

After we were ready for the day we headed back to Dan's Grandma's and opened gifts from her and then off to my parents' to do lunch and more gifts. We had a really fabulous lunch and received some wonderful presents. We missed Matt this year, he was in Cali with his girlfriend, but had two new additions. My Mom is the best at stocking stuffers! We watched the beginning of "It's A Wonderful Life" and then had to head over to Dan's parents'. We did more gifts there and skyped with Steve and Audrey while opening them. We are truly spoiled! Our parents are so generous and we are so grateful for them. Once we finished with that we headed to Salt Lake to Papa's,  for dinner and more gifts. Gifts all around! Papa takes really good care of us. It was fun to see all of our other relatives and spend time with them. It was sure a long, busy day but it was a wonderful first Christmas together! I am so excited to spend all the rest with Dan.

Probably my favorite part of our vacation was the next two days. On Thursday the 26th Dan and I celebrated our six month anniversary! I had planned us a trip to Eden for the night and was going to surprise him but accidentally let it slip without realizing it a few days prior. We checked in about 2:00 and had a nice basement apartment with a hot tub all to ourselves. We ate dinner at Carlos and Harley's, which was SO good, and then got some hot tubbing in afterward. We played games in the game room and in our apartment while drinking hot chocolate, it was just refreshingly fun. I was happy to get away, just the two of us, and fall more in love.

Recreating our honeymoon picture.

Hot tubbing.

Happy 6 months to us!

For New Year's Eve we had Curtis and Candace Carlisle and Mike and Nikkole over for treats and games. It was fun to get together with them and laugh all night. It was also nice to have the same new year's kiss I had last year and will have forevermore! New year's day was spent with the Hayward's, we had lunch at Applebee's and went bowling in Midvale, since it was middle ground for us and Peter and Brittany. We got home with enough time to watch a movie we got for Christmas. 

Sad that this break is almost over, but at the same time it will be nice to get into the swing of things again. This semester should be pretty good for both of us! We hope it is for all of you too, whether you're in school or not, and wish you a Happy New Year!

'Tis the season, but for what?

My husband and I, along with my siblings and their dates, had the fortunate opportunity to go see "The Forgotten Carols" last night at Weber State's Dee Events Center. My Mom introduced the performance to our family when we were younger and I have loved it since. As I've gotten older I have appreciated it a lot more. I understand what Michael McLean is trying to convey in his message about Christmas.
I wanted to share a few of those things myself. If you know the songs but haven't seen the performance then make it a priority! The songs will mean that much more to you knowing what is behind them. Each song has a carol that goes with it and is something that needs to not be forgotten, hence the title. McLean reminds us of the real meaning of Christmas through these carols. We must not be the Innkeeper who turned the Savior away, but instead let him in. And even though we were not there, like the shepherd who fell asleep, we (hopefully) feel that it is real when we hear the story.
I love how McLean talks about believing things that our mind tells us aren't real, but our heart does. He's acting as Uncle John who is 2,000 years old. That isn't believable but we can then in turn believe that angels came down to shepherds and a star magically appeared to lead wise men to a Son of God who was born of a virgin?! That surely doesn't make sense, yet we know it to be true. I love it. I love that logic doesn't over rule everything and that our heart can rule our minds.
These carols truly bring in the Spirit of Christmas. As soon as the first bit of music started playing I felt a tingling sensation, and all throughout the performance I felt it. I love the spirit felt, and how McLean doesn't make it about his performance, but he makes it about us and the things he wants us to feel and remember. It's magical!
'Tis the season, 'tis the season to remember what CHRISTmas is all about. To be a more giving people, a more thoughtful people, a more caring people, a better people. Let the spirit of the season into your heart, and share it with everyone! Remember our Savior and what He has done for us. Nothing could be possible without Him and His life. Celebrate that! And not just this month, but all year long.

Merry Christmas everyone! 

Missionary Flashback

Yesterday, November 16, two years ago I would be entering the MTC. I can remember some of it better than others. I can remember saying goodbye to my family, my Mom handing me a bag of chocolate drops (she knows me too well) as we did so.

Being dropped off.

I can remember meeting my district and companion and teachers. I can remember thinking it was the longest day ever and if it would ever end. I can remember wondering, "What have I done?" The first few days were hard, really hard. I missed my family, I was struggling learning Spanish, I felt overwhelmed with all we had to do and be. It was a lot of change in such a short time and I didn't want to forget who I really was. I didn't want to forget the reason I was doing this in the first place.

I changed in the MTC, A LOT. It's interesting but you can sure tell the new missionaries vs. ones who have been there over 6 weeks. You grow so much during your time there. And then reality hits all over again that first day in the field. You thought you knew stuff... until you serve a mission, that is the only way I can really describe it.
I sure had different expectations than what I went through. And sometimes I think I wish I would have known about mental illnesses before I went out so I could have helped myself more, but other times I think it's better I didn't because I truly didn't know how serious my illness was until I came home and learned more about it. But I needed to learn from it, like I've said. It's what Heavenly Father wanted for me.
And that's not all I learned, heavens no. I learned so much about myself and others. Missions are wonderful. They're hard, don't underestimate that word for a second, but they're worth it. They push you and force you out of your comfort zone and teach you things you can't learn anywhere else. Everyone who is able should serve. You won't regret it.

I am grateful for all I learned on mine. I think about it daily and am grateful for the time I had in the field, be it shorter than I thought it'd be. I am a better person because of it and I can't imagine where or who I'd be if I didn't serve. And I just love being able to relate to people when they say, "This one time on my mission, " or, "On my mission...." If you're thinking about going, stop thinking and DO IT. Know that it won't be easy but it'll be worth it. And remember that not all missions require going to the MTC and some foreign state or country, there are different types and kinds of missions that Heavenly Father has in store for us.
As for Dan and I, I know it has blessed our marriage. I love that we can have companionship inventory and tell mission stories to each other and appreciate them. I am grateful I got to learn Spanish, and how it'll further me in my career and bless our family now and future family. I love how it prepared me to be a wife and mother.

"We are commanded by God to take this gospel to all the world. That is the cause that must unite us today. Only the gospel will save the world from the calamity of its own self-destruction. Only the gospel will unite men of all races and nationalities in peace. Only the gospel will bring joy, happiness, and salvation to the human family." -Ezra Taft Benson

There's nothing like serving a mission, greatest experience FOR your life.

A little P.S. Sometimes I feel like I didn't achieve much on my mission, but I am grateful for those reminders that I receive that show me I did at least one thing. Sadly, this past Saturday November 23 a dear friend and convert of mine passed away. I am grateful he received the Gospel before this happened to him, and am even more grateful that I was able to be part of his conversion.

Brother Jose Reyna, love him so much.

Answered Prayers

Dan and I have been extremely blessed lately and I can't help but share! The Gospel is true, Heavenly Father loves us and is ever aware of us. I am so grateful He gives us those reminders when we are silly enough to forget.
General Conference was amazing, as it always is. I loved and enjoyed so many talks, but there was one in particular that was an answer to a prayer that I had been waiting for for what I thought was quite some time. A few people already know what talk that was, I got a few texts and messages after the talk was given and I thank those people for thinking of me and showing their love and concern. Elder Holland gave the talk that answered my prayer. I cried through the whole thing and felt like Heavenly Father was was speaking directly to me. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, "Like A Broken Vessel" My Mom sent me this a few days ago and it kind of put the cherry on top. From President Monson's new book Consider the Blessings, "Sometimes it takes many years for the Lord's purposes to become known." The week before at the Relief Society General Broadcast, there was another quote given by the Prophet that I felt was just for me. He said, "I promise you that one day you will stand aside and look at your difficult times, you will realize that He was always there beside you." My mom leaned over and nudged me after he said that. I look forward to that day.
I finally was able to get a job, which has relieved a few of our worries. Dan can hardly work with his 17 credit hour school schedule, so the income weighs a little more on me and I am grateful to have scored this job. I am the athletic study hall monitor at Weber State. I check students in and out of a study hall tracker and make sure they don't get too loud. I am able to study and do things like this, write blogs. It's a very good job and I am loving it so far. Although I don't know if I enjoy seeing the epitome of college athletes... I'm seriously so happy each and every day that I'm married.
Being unemployed for over two months we were stressed about making ends meet with bills and such, but tithing is magical. Somehow everything worked out and we were even able to purchase Dan's baby.

We don't know how it all worked out but it did and we are so grateful. We are truly blessed when we are doing what we are supposed to be doing.
When life gets hard, count your blessings! They are always there.