We Are As the Army of Helaman

I can only hope that those who actually read this blog aren't sick of me talking about my mission and what happened therein. I have been thinking a lot lately about what happened, especially after talking to a friend from high school about his experience and how he shared it. So again, I'm going to share some things from my mission and what I've been thinking about it lately.
Recently, Dan and I have been reading in Alma in all the war chapters and one of my favorite parts of those chapters is the little band of 2,000 Stripling Warriors. They are comparable to today's missionaries. They were young and had the faith that was taught to them by their mothers, and if they did not doubt then all would be well. Not necessarily well in how they wanted it to be, but how the Lord wanted it to be.

Alma 56:47-48 Now they never had fought, yet they did not fear death; and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their lives; yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them. And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it.

I know I am guilty of doubting a lot, and I love their example of faith and strength. I am constantly grateful for the Book of Mormon! 

As my mission came to an end and I knew I was going to come home, I got a letter from one of my cousin's whom I look up to SO much and I don't think he realizes how much I do. I have been blessed with such a great extended family and I'm grateful for when they have reached out to me and helped me with what I've gone through. Anyway, this letter. He wrote it about the Stripling Warriors. He reminded me that they had faith to go and do what was asked of them, like all missionaries, BUT he also reminded me that not all of them escaped wounds. Yes, they all lived and were spared their lives and ALL were wounded. That was me. That's several other missionaries I know. We did what was asked of us but we didn't get away without being wounded, none of us do. And I'm sure some wounds are more damaging than others and take more time to heal but all of us get wounded in one way or another.

Alma 57: 25-26 And it came to pass that there were two hundred, out of my two thousand and sixty, who had fainted because of the loss of blood; nevertheless, according to the goodness of God, and to our great astonishment, and also the joy of our whole army, there was not one soul of them who did perish; yeah, and neither was there one soul among them who had not received many wounds. And now, their preservation was astonishing to our whole army, yea, that they should be spared while there was a thousand of our brethren who were slain. And we do justly ascribe it to the miraculous power of God, because of their exceeding faith in that which they had been taught to believe - that there was a just God, and whosoever did not doubt, that they should be preserved by his miraculous power.

I am still having repercussions from my mission and the anxiety and depression I have been diagnosed with. I wonder when it will end, if ever. But I know I am not alone. And I know that if I just have faith that I will be alright and that Heavenly Father will take care of me. Although, as it's been said, "Not shrinking is more important than surviving."
The reason I write about these thoughts and feelings I have is because I want others to know they are not alone. That they are not failures and that Heavenly Father loves them just as much as any of His other children. He truly is a God of love. And I know we are given trials to better ourselves, to be who He wants us to be. Do not be ashamed of the trials you have been given, for His opinion is the only one that matters.