A Taste of Heaven

On Tuesday, Dan and I were fortunate enough to attend the live endowment session of our future sister-in-law, Brittany. It was beautiful. Every time I go to the Lord's house I feel His wonderful spirit and love, but occasionally there are times when it's even more powerful and this was one of those times.
It was wonderful to be there with Dan, as his wife, the session had new meaning to me because I am now a married woman.

First time back as husband and wife!

We went to the Bountiful Temple and were able to see the new video. (I encourage everyone to see it ASAP! It's indescribable.) The entire session I just knew that it was from heaven, from a loving Heavenly Father and Savior. I cannot describe some of the things I felt, but my testimony was strengthened immensely. Heavenly Father has a plan for us, it all makes more sense than ever before. He created this world for us, in all its beauty and wonder, everything upon it. There is no way this all just came to be without someone creating it. Art isn't created unless there's an artist to create it. Then He created us in His image, Adam and Eve were our first parents, Heavenly Father knew Satan would tempt them to partake of the forbidden fruit and they would eventually, therefore He provided us with a Savior for nothing would be possible without Him, and they were cast out of the Garden of Eden to learn and grow and experience what He wanted them to, but they were not cast out without a way back to Him. It's true. The Gospel is true. I cannot say it enough nor emphasize the reality of it enough.
Throughout all of this I kept thinking one thing in particular: that more than anything I want to be in His presence again. The words of the hymn "O My Father" kept coming to my mind, "Yet ofttimes a secret something Whispered, 'You're a stranger here,' And I felt that I had wandered From a more exalted sphere." This isn't my home, this isn't where I belong, this is just temporary. Have you ever felt that way? That this isn't where you want to be? That there's something better and you want it desperately? That's how I was feeling. During that session I wanted more than anything to be with my Heavenly Father and Savior again, it's my life goal after all and I wanted it right then. I don't want to be in the lone and dreary world. But then I had the thought and realization that I needed but didn't want (how often does that happen in our lives?), and it was that I have a work to do here. We all have work to do here.
My depression and anxiety has increased this desire of being in Heaven again. Ever since I was diagnosed my body has not been the same. I feel like it's not as much a part of me as it used to be, that it has a mind of its own sometimes. And I had another realization that my spirit is the real me. And this desire of being in Heaven again was that I want that spirit to be free, not stuck in a body that controls it. But that's the purpose of this life, well one of them, to get our spirit to control our body, to overcome the natural man/woman in all of us. And there are certain things we can control more than others, mental illnesses aren't really one of them though. But this is my test, this has something to do with the work Heavenly Father wants me to perform here. So my spirit may be trapped, but it is only temporary, and no matter what I go through it will all be worth it one day.
I don't know if any of this is making any sense, I am struggling to put into words everything I felt that night, but I share because I feel it an obligation to let other knows what I know to be true. And other's experiences have helped me and if I can return that in some small way then I would be happy to. We are given the experiences we are because we have a loving Heavenly Father who knows us and what we are capable of. He wants us to return to Him and He has provided the way! Let us take advantage of all that we are blessed with and know.
I am so excited for Brittany and Peter to be married tomorrow. Marriage is wonderful, and there's no greater way to be married than in the House of God. I am so proud of my family and their decisions. God's hand has been seen in my life. It was a joy I cannot describe to see all the Haywards in the Celestial room.
After we were out of the temple I asked my handsome husband to go walk with me. Whenever I attend the Bountiful temple I feel the need to revisit the place I opened my mission call. To sit on that bench and relive that day... each time I sit there I think about all the new events that have happened since.

Dan and I sitting on the bench where I opened my call.

I miss Texas, I really do, and I'm grateful for what I learned there. I'm grateful I could be a missionary for Christ and His church. I'm grateful He loves me enough to cut me down. (The following video is one of my favorite Mormon Messages, take time to watch!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rr8xvw0cgw0