I've been keeping a little Pregnancy Journal as this pregnancy has gone on because I want to remember it, maybe that's not a good thing ha, and be able to compare it to other pregnancies or even tell my kids about their lives in the womb one day. For those of you who have had it worse than me: I applaud you a million times and count my blessings! For those of you who haven't been pregnant yet: enjoy the read ha.
March 9, 2015
As of now, I am 21 weeks and this pregnancy has actually been pretty rough for me. When I hit about 6 weeks I started having the morning sickness, AKA the all day sickness. Every single morning, without fail, I would dry heave. Finally, when I was 14 weeks (which was about the third week of December) I asked my doctor for something and she prescribed Diclegis, which seemed to help in the beginning a little and I finally felt like I was getting better but then after a few more weeks the dry heaving turned into vomiting. So I started vomiting and/or dry heaving every morning, which wouldn’t always just end in the morning and led to me being in bed all day and being hungry because I didn’t want to eat. My doctor said to keep taking the Diclegis so I have been and this past week I only threw up 3 days out of 7, that’s progress! Let’s hope it’s the beginning of no more sickness. I’m not getting my hopes up too high though because part of me thinks I may just be sick for the entire 40 weeks.
I know things could be a lot worse but I have gotten pretty frustrated and sad at times with how sick I’ve been. I have missed school and work sometimes because I can’t get up without feeling awful. I have thrown up during class and work; luckily I have made it to the bathroom in all cases. On top of that I have had bloody noses, did you know those were a side effect of pregnancy? Yeah, me either until I got one! I have had horrendous ligament pain, one day my ankle was so bad it hurt to take every step, and another day I couldn’t stand up straight for a few hours because it hurt too bad. Up until about 18 or so weeks, I had the worst acne I have ever had, I felt like a teenage boy going through puberty. Luckily that has cleared up because I hated it so much as if getting larger isn’t enough to make you feel less beautiful let’s cover your face with zits! There have been a lot of tears and moments where I just want to give up, but I know it’ll be worth it, and let's be honest how do you really give up when you're pregnant? There's not much you can really do about it.
Pregnancy has been a very big adventure; full of fun new things I seem to learn through experience almost every day. The ultrasounds and finally feeling my baby move for the first time, on February 9, have been the little things to keep me from going into total despair. I just have to think about the moment when that little nugget gets placed into my arms, that is what keeps me going.
As far as cravings go, I would have to say that I have had some. At times I think it’s just food that happens to sound good because when you’re barfy or nauseous that can sure limit what you want to eat. But certain things I have noticed are in the first trimester I really loved grilled cheeses, I ate those a lot, oh and Top Ramen. And now in the second I am addicted to the easy mac and cheese, not the kind in the box but the kind in the little bowls that you microwave. Now that I’m nearing the end of the second trimester it has turned into peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Daniel is grateful that all these monster cravings have been cheap things ha. Other things I can remember off the top of my head are one day I really wanted Skittles, but not just any skittles, they had to be the kind in the blue bag. And another time I wanted those cosmic brownies, but it was around Valentine’s Day so they were heart shaped. Ha, I have been very specific at times and others it has just been something that comes close. Dan has been sweet enough to indulge me for the most part. I am so grateful for him in all of this, I can’t imagine going through it alone.
March 9, 2015
As of now, I am 21 weeks and this pregnancy has actually been pretty rough for me. When I hit about 6 weeks I started having the morning sickness, AKA the all day sickness. Every single morning, without fail, I would dry heave. Finally, when I was 14 weeks (which was about the third week of December) I asked my doctor for something and she prescribed Diclegis, which seemed to help in the beginning a little and I finally felt like I was getting better but then after a few more weeks the dry heaving turned into vomiting. So I started vomiting and/or dry heaving every morning, which wouldn’t always just end in the morning and led to me being in bed all day and being hungry because I didn’t want to eat. My doctor said to keep taking the Diclegis so I have been and this past week I only threw up 3 days out of 7, that’s progress! Let’s hope it’s the beginning of no more sickness. I’m not getting my hopes up too high though because part of me thinks I may just be sick for the entire 40 weeks.
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| 13 weeks, starting to show! |
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| 14 weeks. |
As far as cravings go, I would have to say that I have had some. At times I think it’s just food that happens to sound good because when you’re barfy or nauseous that can sure limit what you want to eat. But certain things I have noticed are in the first trimester I really loved grilled cheeses, I ate those a lot, oh and Top Ramen. And now in the second I am addicted to the easy mac and cheese, not the kind in the box but the kind in the little bowls that you microwave. Now that I’m nearing the end of the second trimester it has turned into peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Daniel is grateful that all these monster cravings have been cheap things ha. Other things I can remember off the top of my head are one day I really wanted Skittles, but not just any skittles, they had to be the kind in the blue bag. And another time I wanted those cosmic brownies, but it was around Valentine’s Day so they were heart shaped. Ha, I have been very specific at times and others it has just been something that comes close. Dan has been sweet enough to indulge me for the most part. I am so grateful for him in all of this, I can’t imagine going through it alone.
He has held my hair back for me when I’ve been throwing up in my barf bucket, he has gotten me my barf bucket when I’ve needed it, he has rubbed my back when I feel sick, he usually is good at getting me treats I want or like, he has rubbed my feet when it's been a long day, he has held me when I’ve been crying or complaining about this pregnancy, and he has randomly grabbed or scratched my tummy at times and said, “baby!” in his cute little voice. I adore my husband. I think we are going to have a little Daniel because at every appointment I’ve had so far the baby has been a little bigger than average. And it moves like crazy and Becky told me Daniel did too. Not to mention I feel like I can eat constantly, which Dan does ha.
That also reminds me, we are not going to find out the gender, obviously until our nugget is born. Some people have been very supportive (like my Mother) and others have thought we are crazy, which is most people we tell. They say they couldn’t do it because they’re too much of a planner, well, I am too and I’m planning on having a baby so I’ll be prepared for that. Why does it matter if I know it’s a girl or boy? Who cares! You can still get all the essentials and the baby will be just fine getting its clothes after it’s born. Clearly, I’m passionate about not finding out ha. We have names picked out for both genders. We’ll see what happens. At first, Dan wasn’t on board but then a lady in one of his classes that has some kids said that it’s fun because it’s one of the last fun surprises you get as an adult. I think it’ll be that much more fun and rewarding when we have the babe.
March 28, 2015
On March 16 I had my targeted ultrasound, it’s the longer one where the doc will look at the heart’s chambers and kidneys and limbs to make sure everything is forming and developing well. Dan went with me and we were told that our baby looks great, everything is developing how it should, and that our baby has a cute profile – with its nose and lips all full. It was really fun to see the 3D scan, except that the whole time the baby would not really move the hands out of the face. Those hands were up there about the whole time, we did get some glimpses of its cute little face though (my parents think it has a Harris' nose). The doc would try and push the soundhead against the baby to try and get it to move the hands but no such luck. Our baby is beautiful and I cried a little when we saw the first 3D images. Technology is amazing and I’m so grateful we have it to make sure our baby is doing well.
I am 24 weeks now and I think I have finally gotten over the morning sickness, yay! It’s been a long time coming. I still take my drugs at night just to be safe but when they run out I don’t think I will have to get them refilled. I have been unusually more tired though like I was in the first trimester. It could be the bathroom trips I have to make every night around 2-3 AM ha. So I take a nap whenever I can to try and help with my exhaustion. It has gotten a little more difficult to breathe and it kind of makes me smile sometimes that just going up some stairs makes me huff and puff. I really miss being able to play sports and be more active but all in due time.
May 22, 2015
I am 32 weeks and feeling large (today at our appointment baby’s weight estimate was 4 lbs. 4 oz.). At my last appointment, when I was 30 weeks, the Doc told Dan and me to expect at least an 8-pound baby. Each appointment the babe was larger than average so I was kind of expecting that but secretly hoping it wouldn’t be the case. This will be fun! Ha, hopefully, he/she isn’t too much more than 8 pounds. Baby was head down and face down, ready to be born! Now I just need the last few weeks to hurry on by so we can meet this little one.
I have stopped having cravings, and my appetite has decreased as well. I’m not as hungry as I was in the first two trimesters. I really dislike getting dressed these days because my body is limiting in what I can wear. My belly button doesn’t stick out, yet. My feet have started to swell occasionally, they are definitely worse when I’ve been standing for long periods of time but will still swell randomly even when I haven’t been on them much. It’s getting more and more difficult to breathe because of how big my uterus and baby are now. Sometimes I try and push him/her down so that I can breathe better. And the cute little feet have found my ribs, which has been interesting – to have your ribs touched from the inside. Because my belly is getting bigger Dan has had to push me out of the bed or off the couch sometimes because it’s hard to do it myself. I feel like a whale that’s stuck on land or something ha.
This whole pregnancy I have planned on doing a natural birth, and from talking to our neighbor and friend who is a midwife I found out about Hypnobirthing, so Dan and I started classes about 3 weeks ago. I have really enjoyed it because it has just confirmed for me what I already felt within – that women’s bodies are designed to be able to give birth and that we know how to do it. Yes, I understand that sometimes medical intervention is necessary, and no, I will not turn it down if it will save my baby or me, but I want to trust in my body and baby because I know Heavenly Father designed us this way. Families are essential to His plan and why would he make something that is so essential so difficult? Women have been doing this since the beginning of time and so why has medical intervention increased so much in the past 50-100 years? I’ve come to learn that a huge reason is fear and I do not want to fall into the norm of being terrified of something that is natural and so beautiful. The class has taught me how to trust in my body, and even my baby, and go into a relaxed state so that I can be more in tune with my body and baby while going through labor. I want to be able to feel my baby coming into the world as his/her own pace, not by force through pushing or anything else. I already feel more prepared and less scared, which are pretty huge when you’re going to give birth ha. I want to enjoy the process of bringing our child into this world, not dread it or be scared of it, and I feel like I will be able to do that now. I will trust that my baby knows when it’s time and that my body will go along with it, I just hope that time is sooner rather than later.
And I just feel the need to say that I’m not doing this natural because I feel like I’m stronger than other women or that I have something to prove, I’m doing it because I truly feel like childbirth is just that, natural. I don’t want drugs to alter my baby’s experience or mine and I want to be able to move around and recover as fast as possible. We shall see what happens!
June 26, 2015
I am now 37 weeks, full-term! Finally, not that that means much though because baby could still be in there for four more weeks if he/she wanted. I had a Doctor’s appointment today and am dilated at 2 cm and baby weighs 6 pounds 13 ounces. I am pretty relieved I’ve started dilating, especially because I have been having menstrual feeling cramps for a week and that’s a sign that your body is prepping so I’m glad it hasn’t been for nada. I am increasingly out of breath and feel like I can’t breathe sometimes. I kind of wish this baby would realize it’s literally running out of room and just come into the world, ha. Braxton Hicks contractions are a daily occurrence, along with the poor little one getting the hiccups (sometimes even more than once a day.) I have had some return of the morning sickness – thrown up three times in the past three weeks. Luckily it’s not as frequent as it was but nausea seems to last a lot longer. I use the bathroom at least three times a night, usually 2-3 hours apart, and therefore I take naps as often as I can because sometimes I struggle falling back asleep after getting up, not to mention I'm just tired anyway. I cry out of nowhere for no reason, and things that are tender make me cry a lot more easily. I am hot about 80% of the time and sleep with just the sheets and a fan on. I wear Dan’s clothes half as much as I wear mine. My belly button will stick out now sometimes and I feel very large ha. I really am amazed at my body and its ability to stretch and grow so much for this little human inside me.
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| 17 weeks. |
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| 20 weeks, halfway there! |
On March 16 I had my targeted ultrasound, it’s the longer one where the doc will look at the heart’s chambers and kidneys and limbs to make sure everything is forming and developing well. Dan went with me and we were told that our baby looks great, everything is developing how it should, and that our baby has a cute profile – with its nose and lips all full. It was really fun to see the 3D scan, except that the whole time the baby would not really move the hands out of the face. Those hands were up there about the whole time, we did get some glimpses of its cute little face though (my parents think it has a Harris' nose). The doc would try and push the soundhead against the baby to try and get it to move the hands but no such luck. Our baby is beautiful and I cried a little when we saw the first 3D images. Technology is amazing and I’m so grateful we have it to make sure our baby is doing well.
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| 24 weeks. |
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| 26 weeks. |
I am 32 weeks and feeling large (today at our appointment baby’s weight estimate was 4 lbs. 4 oz.). At my last appointment, when I was 30 weeks, the Doc told Dan and me to expect at least an 8-pound baby. Each appointment the babe was larger than average so I was kind of expecting that but secretly hoping it wouldn’t be the case. This will be fun! Ha, hopefully, he/she isn’t too much more than 8 pounds. Baby was head down and face down, ready to be born! Now I just need the last few weeks to hurry on by so we can meet this little one.
I have stopped having cravings, and my appetite has decreased as well. I’m not as hungry as I was in the first two trimesters. I really dislike getting dressed these days because my body is limiting in what I can wear. My belly button doesn’t stick out, yet. My feet have started to swell occasionally, they are definitely worse when I’ve been standing for long periods of time but will still swell randomly even when I haven’t been on them much. It’s getting more and more difficult to breathe because of how big my uterus and baby are now. Sometimes I try and push him/her down so that I can breathe better. And the cute little feet have found my ribs, which has been interesting – to have your ribs touched from the inside. Because my belly is getting bigger Dan has had to push me out of the bed or off the couch sometimes because it’s hard to do it myself. I feel like a whale that’s stuck on land or something ha.
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| 32 weeks. |
And I just feel the need to say that I’m not doing this natural because I feel like I’m stronger than other women or that I have something to prove, I’m doing it because I truly feel like childbirth is just that, natural. I don’t want drugs to alter my baby’s experience or mine and I want to be able to move around and recover as fast as possible. We shall see what happens!
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| 36 weeks. |
I am now 37 weeks, full-term! Finally, not that that means much though because baby could still be in there for four more weeks if he/she wanted. I had a Doctor’s appointment today and am dilated at 2 cm and baby weighs 6 pounds 13 ounces. I am pretty relieved I’ve started dilating, especially because I have been having menstrual feeling cramps for a week and that’s a sign that your body is prepping so I’m glad it hasn’t been for nada. I am increasingly out of breath and feel like I can’t breathe sometimes. I kind of wish this baby would realize it’s literally running out of room and just come into the world, ha. Braxton Hicks contractions are a daily occurrence, along with the poor little one getting the hiccups (sometimes even more than once a day.) I have had some return of the morning sickness – thrown up three times in the past three weeks. Luckily it’s not as frequent as it was but nausea seems to last a lot longer. I use the bathroom at least three times a night, usually 2-3 hours apart, and therefore I take naps as often as I can because sometimes I struggle falling back asleep after getting up, not to mention I'm just tired anyway. I cry out of nowhere for no reason, and things that are tender make me cry a lot more easily. I am hot about 80% of the time and sleep with just the sheets and a fan on. I wear Dan’s clothes half as much as I wear mine. My belly button will stick out now sometimes and I feel very large ha. I really am amazed at my body and its ability to stretch and grow so much for this little human inside me.
Oh and I just have to share this funny story so I’ll remember it. When I was about 35 weeks I called my Mom later in the evening to ask for a sleeping bag and foam pad for Girl’s Camp and the first thing she asks is if I’m at the hospital. You think she wants a grandchild? Ha it made me laugh.
38 weeks tomorrow. Come out, come out Baby Hayward! I just really want to meet you. The past few days have been kind of rough. On Saturday I started having a little bit of pain in my pelvis on the left side and it got worse as the day went on from walking and moving. Then on Sunday, it was miserable. Every step and little movement hurt so bad! And it was also located in my pubic bone, not just my pelvis anymore. So yesterday I was in bed most of the day just trying to rest and hope the pain would go away since I wasn’t irritating it. Thankfully, it did and by the end of the day, I was almost back to normal. Bummer that today it has come back a little but it’s just from the baby being “engaged” as they call it and I guess I should be grateful for that since it means baby is that much closer to coming out!
One thing that has been especially difficult, besides all the fun mentioned above, has been my anxiety and depression. I feel I have done a good job of not letting it show but I can feel it affecting me almost daily. Because of all the things I’ve experienced with this pregnancy it has made me feel a little depressed and given me anxiety because I haven’t always known how to handle it or it will irritate me that I can’t do things I used to. I have been off Prozac since about March and wanted to for the baby, but I can tell such a difference in myself and wish I didn’t need it anymore. This has kind of shown that I’m not ready to be off it for good, yet, hopefully, one day. And I wonder about going back on it when baby comes but then I’ll be breastfeeding so I hesitate. I can only hope and pray that I can do this, and even though it has been hard and taken a toll mentally I have so far and need to believe I can continue to do so. I know Heavenly Father has helped me through all this and I know He will continue to because I am doing what He has asked as best I can. Oh, how I am so grateful that He is there and that He loves me enough to help me daily.
July 3, 2015
I’m dilated to 3 cm and 80% effaced, and baby is 7 lbs. 3 oz. So close yet probably still so far away. At night, and now sometimes during the day, I get menstrual like cramping. My back is sore almost always because of how big my belly is and I forget to not stand with my belly sticking out, but it’s just kind of natural. I sometimes have the pregnant waddle going on because of the pain in my pelvis and pubis. I start out the day feeling decent and after walking just a little bit the pain is killer. Good thing I don’t really have places to be. I have finally finished getting everything for the hospital bag and now it just needs packed.
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| 39 weeks. |
And another Doctor’s appointment has come and gone. I’m still at 3 cm, I kind of knew I hadn't progressed anymore. I am getting increasingly uncomfortable and more and more anxious to have this child. I really wish he/she would just come! I just want to get the whole labor and birth over with. I think about it all the time and just want to do it so I don’t have to worry about it anymore. Sleeping is getting harder because now, even when I sleep on my side, my leg or butt will fall asleep or I’ll have nerve pain and pubic pain. I am continuing to have false labor, stomach and backaches, and the ever fun cramping. I’m going to start taking it personally that this baby doesn’t want to meet Dan and me ha. At least the car seat is in the car, the hospital bag is packed, and everything else is ready to go that we'll just need to grab when it's finally time.
BUT with all that said at the end of each day I am grateful that I get to become a Mother, that Heavenly Father would send one of His precious children to our care is very humbling. And I am grateful for this experience and all that I have learned from it and will learn. When I was little and would get sent to time out, it was on a stool that faced a wall that had a sign on it which said, "Motherhood is not for wimps." Ain't that the truth! This baby isn't even born yet and I totally agree with that statement full heartedly.
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