SURPRISE! Pregnancy Number Four

I never thought I'd be writing about another pregnancy but here I am. If we're good friends, then you know that I was content with my three girls. I stopped getting baby hungry and was happy to not have to go through another pregnancy, birth, and toddlerhood. But if I've learned anything throughout my life, it's that things often don't go as we plan. And I know that once this baby is in my arms, that it will all be ok. Getting through the pregnancy is the hard part.

I eventually realized my period was a few days late and so I bought a pregnancy test and got the quickest positive I've ever had (February 22nd). I immediately felt a wave of many emotions and it was an overwhelming day... which has turned into an overwhelming few months if I'm being honest haha. 

I'm currently 21 weeks pregnant and have been telling myself that I need to write about this as I go so I don't forget things, but how do you really forget being pregnant? The last time I was pregnant was five years ago - living a deja vu of sorts because my due date from Paige and this baby are only five days apart. Even though it's been five years I have not forgotten how rough pregnancy is for me, and this one has been next level.

I started feeling nauseous and fatigued almost immediately. Then I started vomiting in between five and six weeks and things went downhill from there. I was so nauseous that I didn't want to get out of bed because it seemed like anytime I moved I'd throw up. I lost my appetite - nothing sounded good. I had to force myself to drink so that I wouldn't get dehydrated. I lost weight. I slept as much as I could to escape how I felt. My poor girls missed out on some things because leaving the house was the last thing I wanted to do. I stopped teaching my fitness classes and had to get subs every week, and eventually just dropped my HIGH class altogether. It was an extremely hard 6-7 weeks before I finally got some medication and started feeling a little better.

I told Dan the day I got my positive test because I needed him to know. It was hard enough waiting until he got home from work that day. I wrapped the positive test in a note that said, "You're getting snipped." It's his turn to take one for the team haha. He was very excited, which I wasn't surprised about because he's been wanting more kids.

We had plans to go to Utah over Spring Break, March 12th-19th. So I bought a fun onesie to give my parents while we were there to announce it to them, but I ended up calling them the Saturday before we were leaving to go see them in tears because I needed to talk to them about it. I was having a particularly hard day and I was worried about traveling with how sick I was and so I just blurted it all out to them over a video call. Definitely not the way I wanted it go down but my mental health was declining too and this was for the best. 

My parents were here a little before Mardi Gras and got to experience a King Cake. If you didn't know, there's a baby in each one and whoever gets it is supposed to have good luck. So this is my PSA to anyone who isn't ready for a baby - don't eat the king cake! ;)

I do not recommend traveling during your first trimester if you get super sick. It's honestly a miracle that I didn't throw up on our flight into SLC. I felt awful for basically the whole flight and was constantly praying that I wouldn't barf. It was good to see my family though and definitely worth it to have their help for a week. Although I was really hoping I'd be able to help my Mom while we were there because she had recently had surgery on her foot/ankle. I felt bad that she ended up taking care of me instead of me taking care of her. 

I got an ultrasound at a fetal photo place in Salt Lake the day after we got to Utah. I just needed to have that verification before we told anyone else. This pregnancy hasn't felt totally real sometimes, even though I've been sick and had been getting a bump.

I told Dan's family when the girls and I we were over there for dinner one night. We were just sitting around chatting and I announced the surprise and they were all very excited for me, which was nice. Dan didn't come with us and his Dad was actually visiting him and so he ended up telling Paul about it.

Easter Sunday, nine weeks.

We didn't end up telling the girls until after I had my first Doctor's appointment at ten weeks. We figured they'd just tell everyone so it was best to keep it from them as long as possible. And even when we did tell them we bribed them to keep it a secret for just a little while longer. They were ecstatic! Hayley definitely the most and I think Paige only was cause her sisters were ha (she has since understood it more and has become excited on her own). But they have all been nothing but sweet about it and pray for me and the baby almost every prayer they say. Hayley and Evelyn have actually been praying for baby brotherS (yes, multiple) for a couple years now. 

Here's the proof! This is from Evelyn.

Quick little side story: I remember picking Hayley up from Kindergarten one day and her teacher asking me if I knew I was supposed to have a baby boy. I was confused so she explained to me that Hayley said the prayer in class that day and prayed for a baby brother. Bless her heart. I guess they feel left out not having a brother. So I partially blame them for this too haha, answered prayers at my expense. But they're going to the best big sisters and that helps this whole situation immensely.

My first appointment with my OB/GYN went great. I really like her and it's honestly a miracle that I found her. Dan was working with her husband one day, who is also an orthopedic surgeon, and her office called me and got me an appointment. I really didn't want a repeat of what I had in Texas of seeing a bunch of different residents. I like and need consistency. So this is great and she is on board with me doing natural.

I had my anatomy ultrasound at 18 weeks. Dan was able to come to my appointment, which has been rare with just about every pregnancy, but especially this one and Paige's. Everything is looking great and baby is healthy and growing how he/she should. Baby was super curled up so we didn't get a good look at the face but it was fun and crazy to see their legs over their head haha. Knees were almost touching the forehead.

I am now 26 weeks along and things are getting rough, quick. I still haven't stopped barfing. I think the longest I went was two weeks, which I'll take, but I just wish I was done for the rest of this experience. I had Dan prescribe me some more Diclegis because I'm also getting nauseous again along with the barfing.

I was able to do lots of exercising while we were in Utah, with some modifications when needed. I'm trying real hard to keep moving, no matter what that looks like. It was easier while were there because there are lots of events to attend and I have instructor friends whose classes I like to go to. Since getting back I have taught my Surge Strength class but I'm wondering for how much longer I'll be able to keep it up.
I've been cramping more often and I'm still super tired. I don't know how people get energy in their second trimester. Baby is also moving lots and gets the hiccups frequently. Being back in the humidity is the worst and basically I don't go outside here.

Well, I only made it to 32 weeks this pregnancy. And I can't say I'm complaining about that. I definitely felt like the last few weeks of this pregnancy felt like the end of my other ones. Maybe my body knew all along that I wouldn't make it to 40 weeks ha. I honestly did have a feeling that this baby would come early, but definitely not 8 weeks! And it was quite the way to end being pregnant, but very on par with how things have gone from the beginning with this sweet, baby boy. 

Two days before Josh was born.

Hayward, Party of SIX! - Joshua's Birth Story

On Sunday September 1st, I started having cramping and what I thought were Braxton Hicks contractions. They began to become more regular that evening so I decided to take an epsom salt bath to see if that'd help and it did for a little bit but I was still cramping throughout the entire evening. Some of them were strong enough to wake me up. Monday morning they seemed to subside a little but were back to being strong and regular in the evening. I had a doctor's appointment Tuesday morning so I figured I could wait it out until then to talk to my Doctor about it. 
However, early Tuesday morning at about 3:30 AM I woke up to my water breaking. I hurried to the bathroom to try to not get it all over the bed and floor and then I noticed all the blood that came with it. I was having another placental abruption (I had one with Evelyn but it wasn't near as traumatic). Thankfully, Dan hadn't left for work yet so he called the paramedics and they got there about fiveish minutes later. They told me with the amount of blood that they saw that I needed to get to the hospital ASAP. They said it'd be about the same amount of time in an ambulance so Dan drove me. 
While we were waiting for the paramedics to arrive I called our dear friend Emma to come and be with the girls so we could leave. I am beyond grateful she answered her phone in the middle of the night and was willing to come be with them while all this went down. She was precisely who they needed have there when all this happened and was literally an angel on earth for our family. 
On the way to the hospital I started to panic just a little bit about potentially losing the baby. I had been so distracted by all the cramping and contractions that I didn't realize 'til Monday night that they weren't moving as much. I told myself everything was fine and it was just my anxiety and I could talk to my doctor about it at my appointment. But on the drive there I started worrying this was all my fault and I should have done something sooner.
We decided to go to the closer Willis Knighton hospital instead of the one I was originally planning on delivering at. They got me right in and up to labor and delivery. I continued to lose blood while we were waiting on the doctor to get there. The nurses told me they figured I'd probably be getting an emergency c section and I wasn't too surprised about that. Thankfully, I remained calm during all the decision making and blood loss and even into being wheeled back into the OR. I'm grateful that it all happened pretty quick so I couldn't really process it until later. 

Definitely not a flattering picture but it's for the memories.

I lost even more blood when they transferred me to the OR table and the my sweet nurse, Haily, had a worried look on her face but since I was there and getting my spinal tap I figured all would hopefully be well soon. I was very surprised at how calm I remained during it all.
Once I got my spinal tap in, I was on my back and going numb right away. They got the curtain up and Dr. Gullatt started the C section. It was strange to feel some things but not feel them cutting. It was only about a minute or two after they started cutting that baby was out. I kept asking if Dan was almost there so that we could find out the gender together and once he made his way back they told us that we had a baby BOY! I looked up at Dan and I think we were both a little shocked. We were honestly planning on another girl with our track record ha. I heard him cry a little bit and then they took him away to get him stable and checked out.
While they were getting me all put back together and sewn up I started shivering and shaking from being cold and I think the adrenaline of everything too. I felt them pushing and pulling on things and it made me dry heave several times. I turned my head to the side and my anesthesiologist, Dr. Bryce, got me something to throw up in just in case. Thankfully nothing came up, that would have been worse than just dry heaving. Once I was all sewn up I felt better but was still shaking. They got me warmed up a little bit and I got transferred back to my room.
The NICU is at a different Willis Knighton location so the neonatologist and my NICU nurse friend Luisa came and talked to us before they transferred him there. They told us he had a lot of blood in him that he swallowed from me, poor little guy, and that they'd update me as the day went on. It was weird to say goodbye to him in his little incubator and not even be able to hold him. But I'm grateful he is ok and that they're gonna take good care of him.

Dan went home real quick after to take the girls to school. It was Paige's first day of preschool and I was so sad to miss it but glad he could take her. And Dan was able to tell the girls they had a baby brother when he went home and of course they were ecstatic! They have been praying for this baby boy for years, and I have proof! Check out number two. This was from Evelyn's mother's day gift to me in Kindergarten, and she got the idea from Hayley. Their sweet little prayers have been answered!

I was feeling pretty decent considering everything that happened until around early afternoon. Then I think everything caught up to my body and I got dizzy again and had zero energy. I had lost three liters of blood from the placental abruption. I had already had two transfusions and they went ahead and gave me a third plus some plasma and liquids. I started to bounce back a little bit again a couple more hours later. 
Dan and I finally agreed on his name around 3:00 PM that afternoon ha, it took us all day to decide and the name we decided on wasn't even one we had considered before. It was definitely inspired and just felt right to both of us. Therefore (drum roll) Joshua Daniel Hayward was born on September 3rd via emergency C section at 5:18 AM. He weighed 5 lbs. 5 oz. and was 19 inches long. I shudder to think how big he would have been had I gone full term with him! This time it was definitely a positive I grow bigger babies, as we hope it will help him be strong in the NICU. He has a little bit of hair and is just so precious! 

Dan went and got Paige from our friend Betty, who took her home with her after school (bless her!), and then was home for when the other two got home. He brought them all back to the hospital with him after dinner and it was good to see them. I could tell they were worried and they had a lot of questions. Bless their hearts for being so flexible through all this!

And bless all the people who helped us out today with everything! It takes a village and I am feeling extremely blessed to have the one we do because we put them to the test today and they went above and beyond! I have felt overwhelmed with gratitude for all the angels on earth that have been experiencing this with us.

I finally got transferred to where Josh was around 8:00 PM. I had an awesome pair of paramedics take me in an ambulance to the other location. Once I got there I got cleaned up and my sweet nurse took me up to see Josh (he's a floor above me). 
I couldn't help but get a little teary eyed seeing him and finally being able to really talk to him and meet him. He occasionally needs a reminder to breathe since his lungs are still developing. He didn't need to be intubated, thankfully, and he was even weaned off some of his oxygen a day later. 

Our celebratory dinner at the hospital!

Little Joshua has been a fighter! He had his first feeding today, Thursday, September 5th and did well with it! (I have been able to produce some milk already and I am just amazed at women's bodies and what they can do!) He does have to be under the blue lights to help his bilirubin levels. We still can't hold him because he has a chord in his umbilical artery and if that gets pulled out accidentally it's hard to stop the bleeding from it. I'm so grateful for all the nurses who have been taking such good care of him! It's amazing what they can do to help these premature babies. 

The girls got to meet him today and it was so sweet to see their faces just admire how tiny he was and be so careful with him. I wish we could all hold him, but in due time. He is gonna be smothered by them so maybe this is a good way to break him in haha.

I'm so grateful for my Mom for jumping on a plane to come help us out. It's been so nice to know the girls have been taken are of at home so that Dan could be with me. I'm also super grateful he's been given some days off to help me at the hospital. Recovering from a C section has been very different than all my vaginal deliveries. His coworkers have stepped in for him without hesitation and I have gotten teary eyed thinking about how lucky he is to have such a good team going through residency with him. 

Things have really fallen into place for us through this chaotic and traumatic experience! I have seen God's hand in all the little details and feel extremely blessed to have His angels sent to us to help. It's been a few days of miracles and I thank Him for providing them for us. I do not say this lightly, but things could have ended up very differently for Joshua and me. We are lucky to be alive and that things didn't turn out differently for one or both of us. I'm grateful for modern medicine and fabulous doctors and nurses who show up in the middle of the night for emergent situations like ours and then continue to make sure we are doing well as we recover. 
This birth did not go at all how I planned and I'm a little sad I didn't get to experience one last natural birth how I envisioned it. But I am also grateful I am not pregnant anymore and that Joshua was a good size already so that he can do well in the NICU. It's been weird to not have a little baby to care for right now but I'm grateful I have been able to rest and heal myself. There have been little tender mercies to everything that has happened. 

Welcome to Team Hayward baby boy! We're so glad you're here and can't wait to get to know you better! Wish us luck on our NICU journey.