Hayley: Three Months

This past month was full of smiles, Hayley is a happy little girl (most of the time) and I love when she smiles at me. She is really close to laughing/giggling. There have been a few times where she has kind of laughed, but she's not quite there yet. She's still trying to figure it out - she'll cough or make a little noise. I can't wait to really hear her laughter!

She is a busy little body, I can only imagine what life is going to be like when she can get around herself, because she is always moving her hands and her legs and she'll give you the biggest smiles when you play with her arms or legs. She will also grab onto whatever she can get her fingers around. She loves sucking on her fists. She is starting to notice things around her a lot more, she will look for where a noise came from when she hears one. She loves story time and will talk back to you while you read to her. Sometimes I wonder if she'll be a singer because she likes to make sounds and noises. She is starting to play with some of her toys. She has some pretty intense cradle cap and so her head is constantly being lotioned. She loves bath time and will cry when we take her out of the water. She started drooling a couple weeks ago too, she is her Daddy's little girl! She still doesn't enjoy tummy time but we're working on it. She likes sitting up so she can look around. We call her a hiccup monster because she gets them quite frequently, that's where she's Mommy's little girl.
Hayley had her shots September 17 and honestly did better than I thought she would. Dan held her and I left the room, thank goodness for Husbands and Fathers. She would start crying randomly throughout the day, as if she was having flashbacks or something, but was back to her happy Hayley self the next day. And on September 20 Daniel had the wonderful opportunity to bless her. He gave her a beautiful blessing, it brought tears to my eyes, and again I am so grateful for the Priesthood. He blessed her with the ability to develop a testimony of the Restoration, to grow healthy and strong, to be a source of joy and happiness and have a sense of humor, to brighten other people's days, to stay close to the Gospel and enjoy it, to obtain the covenants and go to the temple with a worthy son of God, and to raise a family unto the Lord. We had lots of our family there supporting Hayley and we are so grateful for them and their examples. We were both sick for the first time in her life. She threw up and had a stuffy nose (as far as I could tell that was all - she can't really tell me if her throat was sore) and I had a pretty extreme cold that knocked me off my feet for a few days. We are working on getting her weight percentile back up, it has continually dropped and therefore we've had to supplement a little. She doesn't seem to eat as much as she used to but she's not unhealthy or wasting away, she still has her chubby cheeks and double chin. Maybe she's just going to be a small baby? And I have to tell myself that's ok, as long as she is healthy and happy that's all that matters.

The day she got her shots. :(

My Disney Movie buddy.

She likes to suck on her fist.

The Grandma Susan look.

Her first hike.

Motherhood was a little rough while I was sick, twice on two different weekends. My family and husband had to help with her a lot because I was exhausted and just felt flat out crummy. It was hard to remain patient when I needed to get more sleep and she wouldn't go to sleep right away or when she wouldn't nurse so I'd have to pump and bottle feed, which just took more energy. At times I feel like a bad Mom because she isn't very good at tummy time, and she's dropping in weight percentile, and she doesn't always get breastfed because I work, and sometimes I have to put her down and walk away for a minute or two when she's fussing to say a quick prayer to help myself get through the moment, and sometimes I just want to break down and cry because my life is no longer my own. It's just all these things that seem to add up sometimes. It's like this, " I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once." Am I the only one who is thrilled when my baby goes to sleep so I can actually do something for myself? Why are the only things I read on social media from other Moms always about how they miss their baby when they go to sleep or that they just want to eat them up and stare at them all day long? Yes, I do have those moments but I also have the hallelujah moments when I finally catch that break. It's ok to admit you're human. Brownie points to those Moms who can admit with me that they love being the wife or the athlete or the craft doer, etc.
And then there's also the beautiful talk about Motherhood Elder Holland gave at General Conference, which I missed because that's when I was sick and napping to try and get myself better but eventually read, and he told me that I'm doing better than I think I am and that all will struggle. I know I'm not alone in feeling this way and that everyone has their battles, Elder Holland shared a few difficult ones, but sometimes it feels that way and Heavenly Father knows that, which is why He inspires His servants to tell Mothers that they are "fulfilling the purposes of eternity." So the next time I get down on myself or impatient with my darling little baby I will just have to remember that yes Motherhood is hard, it's hard from the moment you find out you're pregnant 'til the end of your life BUT it is divine and knowing that it is "an essential element of Christ's work" should be enough. And I know that this may seem impossible, but sometimes I feel like Hayley knows I'm about to have a breakdown and she'll just smile at me. Oh how blessed I am to be her Mother. I feel remorseful for having those hard times when I have such an amazing little girl, but I'm only human and one day Hayley will have kids of her own and understand all too well how I feel.
The past three months have taught me so much about life. I am grateful this little girl welcomed me into Motherhood.