The Proposal

I suppose it's my turn to contribute to the blog so it can correctly be termed “our” blog. I feel like I need to write down how the proposal went down before I forget all the fun little details of that wonderful night. So let's start with a little history:

We started talking about marriage long (relatively speaking) before we actually got engaged. We actually started planning our wedding and figured out a bunch of stuff before we were official. Kind of weird, I know, but weirder things have been done before right? I wanted to get Ally the perfect ring, and she sent me some ideas of what she liked and left the rest up to me. I don't even know how much time I spent researching rings and diamonds – like that clarity, color, cut nonsense. I can say today just as much as I did while I was ring shopping that I have a hard time telling the difference of all those nit picky things and if you need a 100x magnifying glass to find a problem with a rock, then it shouldn't be that big of deal. But, I played by the rules that I think are a little ridiculous and picked out a diamond and ring that I think fit Ally perfectly. (By the way, I know the best ring guy in the state of Utah – highest quality for the best price. I'm a believer. Anyone who wants his contact information can send me a text! ha)

Anyway, the only problem was I had some custom ideas for this ring and it was being made in New York so it took a few weeks to get it in. In the mean time, Ally was on edge every time we went on a date because I told her I was going to surprise her or catch her off-guard and it was my whole goal to make sure she didn't know it was coming right up until the very end. So let's fast forward, I've been rambling on long enough, Friday, Feb. 22, here we come.

I liked the idea of going back to a bunch of our previous date spots before asking Ally to marry me, so the real trick was telling her what we were going to do without giving anything away. But then I came up with an idea that was totally fool proof and if she got any ideas about me popping the question it would only add to my set up to catch her off-guard. The thing as a whole went almost exactly according to plan so you'll see how brilliantly (I'm still kind of proud of how well it turned out. Haha) the plan worked as the story goes on.

The part of my plan that got changed a little bit came at the very beginning, when I picked her up at a church in Salt Lake after having lunch with an old ex-boyfriend who had just admitted he made a mistake ending things with her and had taken her to one of the spots I had game-planned to go to. Not exactly a Disney beginning to such a memorable night, but it's part of our story so I'll tell it with pride.

We started out on 8^th and A street in the avenues looking across the canyon at the capitol. We “hiked” down the trail to memory grove to dance on the steps of the meditation chapel. That place is full of beautiful scenery. The first time we went there after a jazz game, when I reached into my jacket pocket to turn on some music on my phone, Ally said that for a split second she thought I was going to pull out a ring and propose. I thought that was fitting enough to add this stop to our walk down memory lane. We danced to three or four songs and left for ensign peak.

Ever since our first date I wanted to hike ensign peak with Ally and thanks to winter, it never happened. But, it was just warm enough and just clear enough of snow that we made the long and treacherous ten minute walk up to the look out point near the base of the mountain. It was neat to look out over the valley with her and see the temple, our temple, where we'd be sealed. Yes, we already had an appointment at the Salt Lake temple before we were officially engaged. We snapped a picture, enjoyed the view and the cool february air before heading down to the park to swing.

If you didn't know this already, Ally loves to swing. That's the first thing we're putting in our backyard when we have our own home so she can swing just as much as the kids. That's another thing we've done a lot of, just randomly swinging at a random park between her house and mine. So, of course that had to be on the trail of nostalgia. There was definitely still snow on the ground – a few inches – and only one swing, but it was still way fun and way funny to swing on it. I just about broke it trying to swing as high as possible while we were both on it, and a few minutes later a car drove by and some girl yelled “Yeah girl!” to Ally. Hahaha I laugh just thinking about it. I knew Ally wasn't going to expect a ring there, so we moved on to where it might happen.

I had already scheduled a dinner reservation at “the Garden,” a restaurant on top of the Joseph Smith building that over looks the temple. I requested a window table when I called ahead and the man said, “why yes, Mr. Hayward, we can reserve a window table for you.” I felt really cool when he called me Mr. Hayward, but the table that sat us at was more like a column table than a window table. But, who cares, I wasn't exactly looking out the window if you know what I mean... :)

Did Ally think it was going to happen up there where so many other people had proposed before (my father being one of them at the restaurant across the hall)? No, because she didn't want it to happen in a public place and I totally agreed with her. So we went down to walk around the temple grounds. We had been there before. On one of our first dates, actually. Maybe we would find a quiet corner and it would come out? Nope. Not here. So we move on.

Energy Solutions Arena came next. We have spent so much time there doing our part to cheer on the rather pathetic Jazz this past season. Out of five games we went to they won one. Strangely, the score wasn't the biggest thing on my mind at any of them. Ally was. This was also the site of our first date. We looked at the Stockton and Malone statues and Ally compared her feet to those of their footprints. I think about two of her feet could fit into Malone's shoes. Ha.

It was cold, being february, and for my perfect plan to work perfectly we needed to kill about two hours, so we went to my house and watched a movie. I was going to play her a few songs on the guitar but between preparing other stuff for the night and my chemistry night course the night before, I just ran out of time to practice my ideal set list and since she didn't ask me to play, I just let it pass.

Finally, if you've stayed with this probably over detailed story, we're to the good part. It was late enough that it wouldn't seem weird if I took her home, so that's what we did. I walked her to the door and kissed her good night just like everything was usual. I was really hoping that when she got inside she would be super disappointed that it didn't happen that night because she thought I had set it all up for one perfect moment after the next to ask her to marry me. At least from what she told me, it didn't quite swim like that in her head. Oh well. When she got inside her mom – by design on this night – started talking to her about the night. She had agreed to stall Ally upstairs for ten minutes. Right after the door had closed on me, I walked back to the car then hurried and pulled it into the other drive way and did my very best James bond impersonation across the yard to not be seen, though I probably looked a lot more like Chuck Bartowski. However, I still made it back to the house and in the basement door without being detected. Earlier that day I had taken over a suit and tie, the ring, and a calla lily (Ally's favorite flower). Ted, Susan and I set up three GoPro's in the family room that after noon too. I had such an adrenaline rush I flew through changing my clothes and got the ring, tried to James Bond it down the hallway and into the family room, again probably looking more like Chuck, got the door closed silently behind me, turned on all the cameras, sat down and looked at the timer on my watch. Three minutes and fifty seconds had gone by. I thought for sure it would take around eight. So there I waited. Palms sweaty, heart racing, going over and over what I was going to say to her in my mind, adjusting my tie a million times, and waiting. After we had been hot for six minutes I texted her and told her I was home. (Gotta keep everything normal right? ;) Still waited. We had been hot for ten minutes and I felt like an eternity had gone by waiting for Susan to subtly get her in the room. Turns out they were having a really good conversation upstairs while I was fidgeting my way to a slimmer waist-line down stairs. Finally when we had been hot for a little over fifteen minutes I saw the door open slowly. When Ally saw me sitting on the couch she jumped, which was kind of humorous to me. She asked me what I was doing there, and I could see the light bulb go on while she was asking the question. We just stood, blissfully embraced, for quite some time. We both knew what was coming. At some point during all of this, Susan James Bonded it to Ally's room down the hall and left the flower with a note attached on her pillow. I finally got down on one knee and said, “Allyson Harris, I love you. Will you marry me?” Of course she said yes and I jumped up and gave her a huge hug then she said, “Are you going to put the ring on my finger?” Oh right. Forgot that little part. Haha.

Afterwards we went upstairs where Ted and Susan where waiting to congratulate us and take pictures. My parents were waiting just up the street, so I called them and told them it was time to come over. We took some pictures with each set of parents and it was one of the happiest nights of my life. My parents left shortly after that and we just went back down stairs to the place of our first kiss and proposal. We talked, we laughed, we kissed, we sat, in pure unadulterated joy that night as we were finally official in the embarkment of the greatest adventure either of us were ever going to go on. When it became way too late, I some how found it in me to leave, though I didn't want to. And Ally went to bed to find a flower with a note that said, “Thank you for saying yes.”   

Feeling grateful!

After my last blog I just want to quickly say how thankful I am to so many of you! Countless people text me, messaged me, or came up to me and talked about what I had to say and it was so refreshing. It helps immensely to know that I am not alone in this, and I always knew that, but to relate to others and talk about it is wonderful. THANK YOU!
There are a few people I must thank in particular. First of all, my companions from the mission. Hermana Ruano, my wonderful trainer who showed me great strength. She was and still is an amazing example to me. Her love helped me through my mission. Hermana Ramirez, my second trainer. She showed me what missionary work was, it is work! She's a little energizer bunny and I'm grateful for her example in that way. Hermana Stokes... where do I begin? We went through SO much together. From Sister Papa trying to fix me to going to an OBGYN to getting ice cream when I had rough days. She was my rock when I found out about my illness. I feel bad that she had to see all that but I know she was with me for the purpose of helping me. I can't thank her enough! Hermana Vidal was my sister. We're all sisters, of course, but she was more than my best friend. I went through the roughest part of my mission with her and she was patient and loving. We had fun and success even though I was pretty sick. I was blessed to serve with my MTC companion again, Hermana Regis, my last two weeks. We were in a trio with Hermana Pena as well. At this point I knew I was going home and they were supportive and wanted me to have the best last two weeks I could. I really appreciated that.

Hermana Ruano, the first time we met. She made me feel loved from the beginning.

Hermana Ramirez, at one of my favorite places, Taco Palenque.

Hermana Stokes, off road biking.

Hermana Vidal, celebrating Mexico's Independence Day.

My trio, Hermana Pena and Regis, the day I flew home.

I have to throw in there all my wonderful friends who wrote me while I was out there. I'm glad you stuck with me through all of this. And then the friends I made because of it. It's amazing who Heavenly Father puts in your life when you need them.
I already thanked my wonderful fiance, but can never thank him enough. When I got home I was scared about having a relationship in my "condition" but thought that maybe that's part of the reason I came home earlier, because there were several guys I thought it was going to work out with. But alas, it did not for one reason or another and then Dan came into my life and I knew that he was the one I was waiting for. Like I said before, he didn't try and fix me or blame my condition on things that didn't make sense. He accepted me, all of me, and that was what I truly needed. When I still have hard days I tell him and he is right there to help me out in anyway he can. I love him and am so grateful I get to be with him for eternity.

Finally I have to thank the most important people, my family. They were there for me before all of this and will still be there long after. It's kind of hard to explain but I felt closer to them on my mission than at any other time in my life, even though that's when I was farthest from them. My Mom was the best. She would E-mail me every week and write a hand written letter too. She would say things to me that helped me with things I didn't even tell her about. She knew I'd need help with things before I did, her hand written letters would be written before something would happen during the week and it'd be just what I needed. I was being watched out for. My testimony of parent child relationships and parents receiving revelation for their children grew immensely because of her. She was there for me in every possible way she could be. 

I wanted to share a letter my Mom wrote to me on September 5, 2012:

Sister Allyson Harris,
Once upon a time there was a really cute, chubby little blonde-haired baby girl. She had great cheeks that you loved to kiss, chubby little hands that were so cute trying to do all the things they wanted to. She was a good little girl for the most part, willing to sleep when she was supposed to, eat when she was fed, liked dolls and books. She was usually a kind-hearted little child also, willing to share, hugged and kissed on demand, liked to snuggle, dress up and ride things, like to play outside. She became a very cute toddler, grew a little, lost her baby fat, still had a great smile and warm heart. Was loved in every class she was in, be it Primary or school, learned how to get along with siblings and do what she was expected to do. Still loved to play outside, especially kicking that black and white ball. Sometimes her shirt would cover her shorts that it looked like she was running around in a dress, and between that and the knee socks, you rarely saw any skin. Blonde hair in a ponytail, running after the ball!

Who knew that it would grow into the love that it has for this child, some just play for a while, dabble in it, don't give their heart to it. But this child gives her heart to many things, to her family, to her religion, to her friends and certainly to soccer. For being a smaller person, even now as a young adult, she has a huge heart to share, and feels things very deeply, has a tender spirit that gets bruised along the rough road of life. She has been blessed, no major trauma in her life thus far, all close family is alive and well, has had really good physical health, once those tonsils got removed! Has great skin, pretty hair, teeny feet that are good for a tease or conversation starter, sometimes both. She did well in school, did very well in the social scene at school and community, touched many lives from the mailman, to little boys she babysat, to the parents of friends that "just love her!" 

And now, she is out serving the Lord, and things have not been as 'expected'. She got her wish to learn a language as she has skills in that area, stayed state-side so "fun boxes" could happen at least monthly and was called to the place prepared for her, and where she is 'tall'. What more could you ask for?! It seemed to start off ok, few struggles in the MTC with the routine there, the changing from Ally to Hermana Harris and it was a longer stay than most. But hit the field at a good time, doing well, excited to serve as she'd been taught, realized that she really did need to study Spanish as it was now so different and began to understand what mission life is all about. There were ups and downs, got to run a little and ride bikes a little, temperatures heated up, companions changed, areas changed and there began to be more downs than ups. Mental struggles, inner concerns and worries, began to manifest in physical pain. Tests are run, things are tried, diet concerns arose and control began to slip. Pills were introduced, suggestions made to identify the crisis and a continuing downward spiral is the current status. Is it completely out of her hands? Is she now so tired and worn, so broken and in despair that she can't pull out of this?

I just don't know, I don't know what to think, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say. I have been praying for her with such intensity now for months, that this trial might be put aside, or overcome. Temple trips have increased, time on knees has increased, fasts have been held, and more prayers. What has happened, how this came to be, how to overcome have all been wondered about, been questioned, and answers have been sparse. People are in place to help her, will she allow it? I alternate between despair for her well-being, and wanting to tell her to fight, be tough, dig deep and deal with it - she can overcome. I don't feel I'm faithless, but do admit to being helpless, and reminding myself over and over, that it's in the Lord's hands. And so I remind her that it's in HIS hands, not in hers to decide. 

This person who grew out of that cute little girl, has a stubborn streak in her. It was evidenced in her youth and all through her growing up years. And when she gets something in her mind, she tends to stick with it, whether it's right or wrong. And this decision will effect her eternally, so all the better that she leave it in eternal hands. I do NOT doubt that it is hard, what she shares with me hurts my heart,  it must be a struggle to do about everything. Believing the end is in sight would be wonderful, no doubt, having experienced the last months, but maybe her end isn't in sight, maybe her 'Job' experience is not over, the silver hasn't been purified completely, the spirit is still in training. And I'm only offering the thought to be open... to be led. As I was reminded this week in my scripture study: "Wherefore, brethren, seek not to counsel the Lord, but to take counsel from his hand. For behold, ye yourselves know that he counseleth in wisdom, and in justice, and in great mercy, over all his works."

I love this missionary more than I can ever express. I have loved her for 22 years, through physical pain of getting her here on earth with a healthy body, to emotional pain of trials experienced and overcome. A bad day when a friend was mean, another day when she was locked out of the house, sick days at the doctor, hurts on the field, heart hurts from friends and boys, and soccer team postings that were missing her name. I am so not perfect and readily admit to not knowing much or having answers, but I have faith in my God and knowledge that He is in the Heavens and in charge. I have some knowledge of this daughters emotional processes, those things she worries about, those things that mean so much to her. I have not experienced all the same things, but I have some understanding beyond those, and would again share warning to strive to finish - IF physically able and guided to so do - what she agreed to do... here on earth, and earlier in the heavens. To not come home for ANY reason other than completion of her mission as guided by her President and the spirit. That may mean for health concerns shortly, that may mean more weeks down the road, but when it happens, that it's with the knowledge that she completed the work she was called to do.

This daughter need not fear or question that I will not be supportive of what happens, I will. But it will be in her best interest, for now and next year, for a decade down the road and 3 beyond that, if she leaves nothing behind, gives her all that she is asked to do. She has to believe that she will not be asked beyond what she can handle, and take comfort in her Savior, in the deepest of despair. I have shared this with her before, the rest of the chapter is great also. "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."

IF it's right, it's right, whatever IT is. Make sure it's right, it's what we ALL want for her.

Dottie Hinson: "It just got too hard." Jimmy Dugan: "It's supposed to be hard! If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard... is what makes it great!"

I read that letter over and over for the rest of my mission. It touched me in a way that only a mother can touch a child. I still read it with tears in my eyes because of how tangible it is. My wonderful Mother and I don't always see eye to eye, but my mission taught me how much she loved me. I learned why she did some of the things she did while I was growing up and will be forever grateful for her. She is the strongest person I know and I am grateful to be her daughter. She's my example, and I would be honored to be half the person she is. I love you Mom!